My life? At the beginning it was very hopeless. I had given up all hope or my life. The first 14 years I had to live in a children's home and so I regarded my life rather meaningless. Very often I was beaten and I thought I could actually never be happy without parents. All I was hoping, was that my mother would come to take me out of that place.

When she finally got me out after these 14 years I thought: Well, now you start living, now you can tell your wishes and problems and now you will find peace. But very soon I realised that we did not understand each other at all. My parents felt demanded too much, which I couldn't understand again. Normally, parents should react totally different, I thought! And so I began to hate my parents more and more. I reproached them for having put me into the children's home and that they did not give me the life I was longing for.  Now I looked for friends, who perhaps could help me to find a meaning for my life, and I asked them, what that could be.
I always got the same answer: Look for pleasure! Get yourself a woman, build yourself a house, earn your money and then you will have pleasure.

But when I watched the people, who where striving for these things, I discovered, they were  unsatisfied as well. So I tried to live my own life. I often ran away from home and the police brought me back. I tried to drown my sorrows in drink. Yet all this didn't help. I ended up hating  the whole society just like I hated my parents. Finally I tried to kill my own half-sister. Because of this I was put into a mental hospital for 1 ½ years.

Within that time I was examined by psychologists and psychiatrists and  again and again asked why I had done this. I constantly answered them, I just didn't see a meaning in this life; so many bad things were done to me - now I was ready to do bad things to others.
They gave me pills that should help me, but they didn't help. I knew exactly that I wanted the evil and that I wanted to destroy. No pills could help against this.

After my time in the mental hospital I was sent to prison. Because of attempted murder I was sentenced to 2 ½ years. In prison I thought again: Well, life is over now. You are sitting here without hope – you have no parents, no sister and nobody who wants you anymore. The best thing after being released is to take so many drugs, that you die. And so already in prison I began to take drugs. It was a really good feeling the first moment, but afterwards I was very afraid and realised that it wouldn't help me either.

After 9 months being imprisoned, people came who pretended they wanted to help me. I thought: Well, they want to try it and create good intentions within me, but and later on the whole thing will be finished. But these people said, that they were Christians and Jesus Christ had given them life and that I would need this Jesus, too.

This was totally new for me. I had never ever heard something like that before. I thought, that cannot be possible. Jesus does not exist, otherwise he would already have helped me.

These Christians from Hückeswagen came again and again and, when I was released nine months later, they gave me a room in a family and a job. After being released, I started a vocational training as a wholesale trader in deed. Within that time I tried to pursue my old philosophy again: the absolute meaninglessness. In doing so I gave my boss as much trouble as possible. I worked very slow or hardly not at all. The good man lost his patience with me and finally we just hated each other.

It was only compulsorily that I went to ”our” church, where they talked about Jesus again and again. I watched the people; watched the family I lived in and was just amazed about their patience. For three months I hardly spoke a word with them, only answered ”yes” or ”no”, that was all. But they did not throw me out nor gave me up, but instead they told me Jesus loves you!

So I also tried to get to know this Jesus. I had never ever done that before. I also had never read the Bible before, but I knew that I had to do this. So I began to seek for Jesus and received him finally  by praying to him. And then he accepted me. He became my personal Lord and Saviour. I confessed my sins to him and told him everything that had depressed me.

Something I never could imagine happened: Jesus changed my life. One day on my way to work I realised that a change had happened inside me. I experienced a peace within my heart that had  never known before. The evil thoughts had disappeared all over sudden. I began to work properly. More and more I opened myself to other, something I had never done before and probably also would not have been able to. I was reconciled with my parents and even with my sister – and they were with me as far as they were able to. I became incredibly grateful.

”When I accept Jesus Christ, I have to tell others about him” - I knew that and did so. I enjoyed to talk about Jesus very much. Again and again I went to Jesus with unsolved problems, and he helped me to solve them. Probably he saw my poverty and helplessness and that I obviously needed help.

After finishing my vocational training, I wanted to know more about the word of God, in order to help people who were in the same situation like I was. So I thought it would be the best if I'd go to a Bible School for 3 years. Surprisingly I was able to finish Bible School, although in the beginning I had many problems. My trust in God helped me to hold on to the end. God even helped the teachers to be patient with me. At school I got to know a girl who I married later on.

Afterwards I worked as a correspondence Christian counsellor. So I could offer others the help I experienced myself.

After that I studied theology in the city of Giessen. At many free weekends I drove back to Hückeswagen to perform the play ”Prison Cell” together with other ex-convicts. We played our experiences during the time of imprisonment and after the play we could share how God had radically changed our lives. After studying we moved to Austria to tell the people there about the love of God. Together with my wife and our child I live in a village in the southern part of Austria. To be allowed to work for God in this world – for God who wants to change sad and helpless lives through us - gives a great joy and a deep meaning for our lives.